Waiting for my rocket to come.

Just gonna say Happy Halloween in advance.
I"m gonna be a Porceline Doll. My friend is doing my make up. Just bought this sweeet sweet dress.
Gonna go to my first ever Halloween Party. Yes I'm 19 and just now going to my first real party. Say nothing bitches. haha.

I'm pretty stoked. Not gonna lie.
The boy is all freaked cuz there's gonna be drinking and I'm known to be ....er...frisky when drunk but I shan't be drinking...don't feel like getting raped honestly.
And he's all nervy cuz he's not going cuz we're not an anything right now.He'll get over it.

I'm going to look SWEET...I hope.
Gotta go to work with my hair all super curled...like a Shirley Temple honey. haha

Anyway...
Happy Halloween...if anyone reads this you should totally share your Halloween costumes and plans

Alrighty. I have no life right now. Haha. Just went through a break up. I'm basically over it. It only took me 3 weeks so I'm very proud of myself.
I don't have much stuff to add unfortunately. Journalling's been more my thing as of late, just because I have so many thoughts going around in my head and no one who could really understand. Plus I find journaling to be more cathartic right now than poetry, just because I'm finding poetry to be so damn depressing. And when one is already depressed and not in an angsty sort of way, there's really nothing to say. Every poem would say the same thing just in a different way. For me now when I'm depressed, the world is gray b/c I shut it all out. You can't really write about a world you're not seeing and feelings that you refuse to acknowledge.

I really do want to post up some of the drawings I've done. They're not all that great and none of them are colored cuz I'm naught but a mere outliner, but I would like to put them up. I just need to get a few key pieces of equipment.

Other than that, um, I'm an internet junkie once more! And yeah. lol.

So...I have once again disappeared from the DA.
I sorry DA I really do love you!!!!

See what happened was...um...I fell in love.
Yeah. I. Fell. In. Love.
And you want to know the best part?????
HE LOVES ME TOO!!!

Was I not the angsty teen since I was 13???
Yes. And not just angsty; awkward, bookworm, dorky, depressed, ... um, other stuffs? I'll let you be the judge of that.
Anyways, he's been the reason for my disappearance. Seriously, and it may not be very healthy I'll admit, but we haven't left each other's sides for longer than 12 hours except on VERY rare occasions.
Idc. I am so blissfully happy right now. I mean, yeah there are the bumps. We are pretty different people.
He was the party/stereotypical jock in high school, running through girls, drinking every night, being an ass, fighting, doing drugs...
And I was...well, me. And we know how that was...lol

You may well ask, Oh Fabulous Nicole! Why are you with such a person?
Well, curious reader. He's not that person anymore. No I didn't "change" him. Jeezeus. I am fairly delusional, but not THAT bad! He had fixed himself up before we met. I mean, he still needed a few tweaks and I did try to do that....But obviously that didn't work, as soon as I let off though, he came to it himself.

He's so adorable. He's a dork. He's so cute (in the personality kinda way). He's sweet. He cares for me when I'm sick or depressed or stressed. If I need to cry on his shoulder, he holds me instead, even though my leaky tear ducts scare the shit out him.

I think I've left you DA for a good person.
Well, I know he's a good person...that is actually the one thing about him I will change, his self image. His father is a real fuckface. My baby is a good person. He's made some mistakes, but he's not a fuckup. I have to convince him of this.

Anyway. We've been together for 6 months on Thursday. And I don't think I have ever been happier.

Also...I have a tattoo.
I'll post pics as soon as I find my camera.

You guys are great.
I missed you all immensely...


And that was my love rant on my lovey

So I think it's funny that that quote tickles me so.
First off, it's a Panic at the Disco lyric, and I'm going to their concert in a MONTH BITCHES!!
Second, it's related to the song Cookie Jar by Gym Class Heroes, in their new album, The Quilt. AWESOME!! I bought it by the way. LOVE IT!
I love Gym Class Heroes! Entertainment Weekly can stuff it.

Plus, it also kinda relates to my previous post.
I wasn't fibbing, but I've decided to pretend that post never happened.
I love my deviant community. Even if they don't always show their love back...I know they still love me.
But it doesn't matter.
I'm too attatched to this site. I believe I qualify as being a "long-time deviant" or whatever. DA and I, we like this: Chyeah. Suck that.

I should be sleeping.
I've been rather sleep deprived for the past two weeks and we have no coffee until mom goes to the store...whenever she deigns to do that. I need stimulants man :stimulate:
Hmm...
I'm back to not having a car.
It seems Fate wanted a good laugh, so she gave me a car, let me enjoy it for the whole of ONE week, then took it away from me.
Fate, you are a most capricious mistress, just give me my One Sweet Love and I'll be able to forgive you.

Yeah...I've come to semi-terms with my spiritual status in that I've discovered I have no spiritual status. I still feel the duality that Christian exhalt, but not in terms of "soul" and "body". More like, "self" and "vassal". "Vassal" is my word tonight isn't it? It would be.
I must always have a word of the night mustn't I?
Hay-suse.

I don't really have much to say.
I love Gym Class Heroes.
I'm gonna see PatD in concert!
I'm a heathen.
I'm not leaving DA because I loves you guys and I don't wanna leave sounding like a selfish, whiny bitch, because all in all, that's what I sounded like... yesh...I'm ashamed.
I feel right sheepish and if there were an emoticon for that I would put it right on up here, but, alas.

It's almost eleven and I need to brush the teefers and go to bed.
Night loves.

I've been doing some thinking.
And I've really been thinking about this for some time now.
It may sound a bit vain...and maybe even whiny but I don't really care...and I'm actually not trying to sound whiny. At least, I don't feel whiny.

But I think I'm gonna deactivate my account.
After I take all my poems and put them on my computer. I don't think I have some of these in written form.
Some of them truly do need to be destroyed, but I suppose I should keep them as a record of my teenage years...Neh...who knows.

Not that many of you are extensively freaking out of sobbing or anything. I actually doubt many people will even read this, much less care, but I'm going to explain my decision all the same.

Number one, and this is prolly the most prominant reason:
People aren't really big on reading poetry. Y'all are way more into art. And I completely understand this. As a "poet", and I use that term merely for lack of a better term because I don't see myself as a poet, and I'm definately not an "aspiring poet", but as a poet, you would think I would sympathize with others dealing with my plight, but even I can't. Poetry is just not something I go online to read. I like writing it when the fancy strikes me, but I'm not so hot on reading it. Which kinda leads me to the next reason

Number two:
The whole people not reading my poetry thing has gone on since the beginning really, it was never anything new, but that was ok with me really, because I liked to look at the art. Only, now the art's not really gripping me anymore. It's nothing against you guys. You're art is still and prolly always will be amazing. It's just, this was kind of a phase in my life that I'm kinda growing out of I think. It happens. We get older, we mature. Things that were at the peak of our interest when we were this old barely even register as entertaining when we're this age. I think i'm kinda at that stage.

Another reason, has to do with my sporadic internet availability throughout my membership. Whenever I developed an e-friend and we got close and chatty and such, I'd have this long three month break and all that would go away. It was a little frustrating, but not something that really bothered me. The thing about this though is that I never really developed any bonds with the other users here, so there's nothing really tying me down to the site what with reasons one and two clanking about in my head.


Now, I said that I need to get my poems off the site before I shut it down...due to this and my extremely lazy-procrastinatory personality, knowing me it'll be like, six months before I actually go through with this...and who knows, maybe by then, I'll have changed my mind.

But for now, I just kinda wanted to lay that out there.

Not, like I said before, many of you guys care...but I don't want anyone who may be curious (unlikely) to have me leave seemingly without rhyme or reason and go, WTF? so...there it is...again.